I have seen a significant number of posts lately from young moms wanting their child-less friends to know certain facts and inevitabilities about their lives and relationships, and the ways in which having children has changed them. I have read them, and I do believe they give some awesome insights into the worlds of young families and the changes and challenges they face. As the hubs and I whole heartedly intend to raise a litter of our own someday, I think of it as a great way not only to understand what the large majority of our friends are experiencing right now, but to prepare for what will undoubtedly be our future. Then I got to thinking... as a person in my late 20's, married but without kids, there are things I would like my friends with children to know about my life experiences, views, and relationships. So until the time comes that we choose to join the ranks of you all in the journey that is parenthood, here are some things I hope you will take to heart:
1. While I cannot comprehend to what degree, I can appreciate that you are, in fact, exhausted. I am not offended if you decline my offer for coffee, dinner, a movie, whatever, in favor of an afternoon nap or an early bedtime. I know you are not exaggerating your exhaustion, making excuses, or blowing me off. It is really ok.
2. I LIKE your kids. I find them to be charming (most of the time), and I genuinely enjoy the opportunity to interact with them. You do not need to apologize that they want to show me every toy in their toy boxes or force me to watch an episode of Spongebob. I love the fresh new perspective they have on life, and delight in their silly stories and never ending questions - remember, I can send them back to you after they've asked me 'why?' for the fifty-second time. It's not so bad. Which leads me to my next point...
3. I will babysit your kids. For free (or a bottle of wine). I know that post-rugrats, you and your spouse have had little time to yourselves - or each other. I value the alone time I have with my husband, and I believe that you deserve to have that time with your significant other as well. All I ask is a few days notice. Bonus: kids are my living. I am quite good with them. Who better to babysit?
4. If you have invited me to your home, you do not need to frantically clean. I do not care if your house is unkempt. You have a family, and families are messy. Messy is real life. If we are close enough for you to invite me into your home (and I do understand this is frequently much easier than carting the kids around town), please know that I value my friendship with you, all of you. The good, the bad, the ugly, AND the messy. Sticky kitchens, unfolded laundry, and legos on the floor all come with the territory. I will love you whether your house is dirty or clean.
5. I enjoy hearing funny, silly, strange, crazy stories about your kids. However, it does not make you a bad parent if you would rather spend your time or conversation with me discussing things aside from your children. I will gladly rehash details from this week's episode of GoT or listen to you vent about the electric company or your nosy neighbors. I know that your kids are your world, but I also know that sometimes, you will need to talk about 'grown up' things. Just know that either way, I am here to listen.
6. Your children are welcome in my home. Please do not ever hesitate to accept an invitation to my home on the grounds that you are concerned your children may be loud, messy, or destructive. When I invite you over, I acknowledge that you have tiny eating, screaming, pooping creatures with you more often than not, and I will take all appropriate steps in child proofing my environment as necessary. Should something ultimately wind up broken or juice stained, I have no one but myself to blame.
7. I miss you.
While I am aware that your family is your number one priority and I begrudge you not one minute that you spend with them, I just want you to know that I do miss you. And when you should find the opportunity once again to join me for coffee, go out for a long walk, or simply sit and catch up over the phone, please know that I will be here. This is not an 'I miss you' to stoke the flames of guilt, but rather so that you would know that you are still dear to my heart and our friendship means as much to me now as it ever has.
Sometime in the future (not yet - don't get any crazy ideas), Jess and I will be among you, opting for sleep instead of socializing, trading happy hours for soccer practice, and replacing conversations of world news with those of PTA gossip and potty training. We will struggle to maintain some of our pre-kiddo normalcy, and we know we will be mostly unsuccessful, as life with kids will become the new norm. But one thing is for certain, we will be grateful for the friendships we have maintained with so many of you who have embarked on this journey ahead of us. Our relationships may change, but how we feel about y'all does not.
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