This one is for the ladies. Ok, so a lot of these posts are for the ladies. Mental note made to remedy this in the near future and provide something profound for the men. But for now, there's something that we as women need to hear.
Ladies, it's time to stop.
I've seen, and read, a lot of these online blog posts/buzzfeed lists - "Things you need to stop doing in your 20's", "Things you should stop doing by the time you turn thirty", etc, etc, etc... You get the picture. Stop wearing yoga pants to the grocery store, stop using teenage lingo like "cray" and "presh", stop posting movie quotes on Facebook... the lists go on and on. But I've got some thoughts of my own on the things that we as ladies need to STOP doing, and my first thought is this: Stop telling each other what we need to stop doing. It's that simple. Just stop. Stop judging, stop criticizing, stop chastising. Stop competing, belittling, and tearing down. Enough is enough.
It amazes me that, in a society that consistently finds ways to lead us as women to the conclusion that we have fallen short, that we are so quick to tear one another down.
**This is where this post gets extremely personal. Bear with me.**
Please do not interpret this all as self-righteousness. I have been as guilty of this as anyone else. It wasn't until recently that I could come to terms with the fact that I have been a bully in my own right. In masking my own insecurities, I cannot count the times I giggled to my friends as we dissected the fashion choices of women we may not have even known. I have mocked, albeit privately, other women based on their appearances, actions, or public conversations. I have even dared to think myself better than other women purely on the basis of these (incredibly superficial) factors.
Pretty messed up, huh? Not very Christian of me, to say the least. But even worse is, I know how much this sucks. It's been done to me. A lot. I have experienced ridicule and judgment at the hands of other women, some I knew, many I didn't. And yet, time and time again, I have found myself paying forward the mean and hurtful things that have been done to me, as if I am somehow entitled. I mean, it's been done to me, so I have the right to do the same to others, right? Please know I am acutely aware of this flawed line of thinking. And this is where I begin to introduce what I hope will facilitate change - change of thinking, changing of doing, change of being.
The theme I find behind all of these "things to stop" lists is insecurity - I pick apart the behaviors of others in order to somehow feel better about behaviors of my own. Don't get me wrong, I've noted a gem or two in these lists that appears to stem from a good place. That is, "Stop posting drunken party girl pictures on social media" is sound advice. At the very least, your professional life could be in jeopardy if you choose to engage in this sort of behavior. However, "Stop wearing your gym clothes as everyday outfits?" All this suggests to me is that the person who wrote it is trying to feel superior because her daily get up includes the latest in fashion trends. If I feel fit and confident in my yoga pants and a tank, why shouldn't I enjoy that as often as I like?
Ladies, we are bombarded in the media every single day with suggestions that we are less than we should be. You're too fat, buy these pills and shakes. You're too wrinkled, buy these creams. You're too short, buy higher heels. You're unattractive, buy this makeup. These celebrities and models epitomize beauty, but you don't look like them. Therefore, you cannot be beautiful. Try harder. Do more. Eat less. Wear this. Buy that. It's exhausting. And yet, we somehow find the energy to tear one another down. What a waste of energy.
Allow me to offer a challenge. Make a concerted effort to lift up your fellow woman. Compliment a stranger on her fun, patterned sun dress. Tell a coworker how much you enjoy chatting with her at lunch, that you love her perspective on things. Admire the confidence of the girl downtown rocking sky high stilettos. Let a girl friend know how proud you are of her for her achievements in her career/health/fitness/volunteerism/etc.
Equally important, fight those insecure voices that urge you to snicker at the clashing patterns worn by the woman in the cubicle next to yours or to roll your eyes at the girl wearing a mini dress in the grocery store. Ignore the unimportant superficial details in favor of the bigger picture.
And the last, most important part of this challenge is this: take the time to learn the stories of the women around you. You just might be surprised at just how much we are alike. Your story is what makes you unique and beautiful. Share that with the world, then take the time to listen to the stories of others.
In a world that wants nothing more than to tear us down, be a part of the solution. Love yourself, and love others. More than you think they deserve.
