This may be the first of several installments on surviving the single life from the point of view of a slightly jaded twenty-something... I've got more than a little insight into the subject, especially over the last few years...
So, Mr. Right turned out to be Mr. Liar, Mr. Cheater, Mr. Non-committal, Mr. Emotionally Unavailable, Mr. Codependent, Mr. Empty Promises, Mr. Psychologically Unstable, Mr. Immature, Mr. Unemployable, Mr. Jealous, Mr. Everything-But-Right... First of all, let me say, welcome to the club. You are in excellent company, rest assured. Secondly, allow me to propose some suggestions (from my own twisted experiences) for survival. Afterall, you CAN and WILL survive; more than survive, you will THRIVE.
Survival tip #1... I call this '5 days of fat'... giggle if you will, but i swear by it. It works. Allow yourself 5 days (no more, no less) to lose a litle control. Eat whatever you want (most likely, this will be LOTS and LOTS of carbs), skip the gym if you feel like it, curl up on the couch with a pint of ben and jerries, don't shave your legs, wear your saggy shapeless sweats, etc. DO NOT beat yourself up for this; you are entitled to grieve. Remember though, this is for only 5 days. At the end of 5 days, you resume the awesome-ness that is you.
Survival tip #2... SHOP. Buy something cute, something fun, something fancy, something you never would have worn with your ex, something youve always been intrigued by but never had the guts to rock, whatever makes you HAPPY. I wholly encourage a purchase that excentuates your favorite features... it will remind you of just how smokin hot you are, and how huge a loss it is FOR HIM.
Survival tip #3... CRY. Your friends, family, coworkers, whatever, will all say he isn't worth the tears. They are correct. However, the chapter of your life that is closing and the parts of yourself that you selflessly gave to him are worth mourning, and crying is a perfectly healthy release. Don't overdo it. I try to keep my tears within my 5 days of fat (see tip #1).
Survival tip #4... Re-connect... So, truth is, to some extent, we are all guilty. We meet a man, we get a little twitterpated, we want to spend more time with him. As a result, we skip girls' night this week, we forget to return calls to our girl friends, to an extent we lose touch with our friends (who, lest we forget, have been our support group long before the newest beau and who will be there long after he has gone). Now is the time to remember why they have stayed no matter how many men have come and gone. Offer to host a girls' night at your place, invite your girl friends out for drinks, simply call and catch up. You'd be there for them, let them be there for you.
Survival tip #5... Take some time to remember all of the reasons you are amazing. Because no matter what happened with Mr. Nope, YOU ARE AMAZING. Pat yourself on the back for all of the accomplishments you have been downplaying. Make a list of all the reasons any man would be lucky to have you (and believe that any man would indeed be lucky to have you). Get up each morning, look in the mirror, and tell yourself something like 'Good morning beautiful girl" and BELIEVE it.
Survival tip #6... Do not, and i repeat, DO NOT rebound, call up old boyfriends, have a one-night stand. Sure, if you feel ready, get back out there and allow the male population the opportunity to prove they arent all the same. Don't entirely close yourself off to all possibilities (God works in funny funny ways), but be smart and respect yourself. Sleeping with some guy you meet in a bar may make you feel sexy and desirable and adventurous tonight, but we all know it will leave you feeling empty and trashy and worthless tomorrow morning. SO NOT WORTH IT. You love you too much for that.
Survival tip #7... Pray. Maybe even ask others to help you out and pray for you. It's amazing what a little prayer can do for your peace of mind. Life may suck, but God is still good.
Like i said, maybe the first installment... as i progress through the stages of heartbreak and self-discovery, I may find myself having more epiphanies I care to share. Now to work on taking my own advice....
Wednesday, December 28, 2011
Monday, December 19, 2011
thoughts on worry...
my thoughts on worry are as follows:
there is so much to worry about... where do i even begin? i find that i worry superfluously about things that (a) will probably never happen, (b) are completely out of my control if they do happen, and (c) probably wouldnt end the world as i know it anyway. so my question is this... if my rational mind knows that the afore mentioned things are true, why then do i continue to worry? and how do i stop!?
i feel as though many people i know are rowing up stream in this same dinghy... it's a vicious cycle really. i wake up worried about my day (my schedule, my paperwork, my patients, etc...). i worry while i lay in bed contemplating getting up, instead of resting a few more minutes. then i worry while i am in the shower, brushing my teeth, getting dressed, and making breakfast. for a brief moment, i rock out to an awesome song on my ipod, then i worry some more. after worrying all the way to work, i get into my office only to find i was, of course, worried over nothing. i take a deep breath. then i proceed to invent new things to worry about (because it worries me when there is nothing to worry about!!!) i worry why the boy hasnt called, what that abrupt text from the best friend REALLY meant, what the doctor will say at mom's appointment today, if that funny sound i heard in the car meant something was wrong (and how will i ever afford it if it is!?), will i find time to go to the gym today, am i gaining weight, has anyone at work noticed im gaining weight, what if i gain all my weight back (OH MY GOD)!!! and by this time, it's time to worry about what i will have for lunch, which is a ridiculous thing to worry about, because no matter what, i will have food to eat. the cycle continues throughout the work day, despite how busy or un-busy the day is (because the little obnoxious voice of worry is always in the back of your mind), and when 4:30 comes along, i drive home, and i should be relaxed. but wouldnt you know it? before i can let myself relax, ive created an entire NEW list of crap to worry about, and before today is even over, ive begun worrying about tomorrow.
now here's the odd part... i am not always this way. i go for rather extensive periods of time worrying about virtually nothing (or, at the very least, completely ignoring it). i may not have the answers to any of life's pressing questions, and i am ok with that. it isn't quite apathy. i prefer to call it freedom, and actually, i find as i get older, i feel this way more often than not... so why is it then, that worry can strike without warning with seemingly no rhyme or reason? because certainly worry is all for naught. trying to solve the world's problems by worrying is no more effective than trying to solve an algebra problem by chewing bubble gum.
so i will end with these thoughts, not my own, but oh so relevant nonetheless (and much more eloquent than any of my rambling above...)
"Worry is pointless. Do not worry about the things you cannot change. YOU CANNOT CHANGE THEM. Do not worry about the things you can change. CHANGE THEM."
"Worry does not strip tomorrow of its trouble. It strips today of its joy."
"Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Today has enough troubles of its own."
<3
there is so much to worry about... where do i even begin? i find that i worry superfluously about things that (a) will probably never happen, (b) are completely out of my control if they do happen, and (c) probably wouldnt end the world as i know it anyway. so my question is this... if my rational mind knows that the afore mentioned things are true, why then do i continue to worry? and how do i stop!?
i feel as though many people i know are rowing up stream in this same dinghy... it's a vicious cycle really. i wake up worried about my day (my schedule, my paperwork, my patients, etc...). i worry while i lay in bed contemplating getting up, instead of resting a few more minutes. then i worry while i am in the shower, brushing my teeth, getting dressed, and making breakfast. for a brief moment, i rock out to an awesome song on my ipod, then i worry some more. after worrying all the way to work, i get into my office only to find i was, of course, worried over nothing. i take a deep breath. then i proceed to invent new things to worry about (because it worries me when there is nothing to worry about!!!) i worry why the boy hasnt called, what that abrupt text from the best friend REALLY meant, what the doctor will say at mom's appointment today, if that funny sound i heard in the car meant something was wrong (and how will i ever afford it if it is!?), will i find time to go to the gym today, am i gaining weight, has anyone at work noticed im gaining weight, what if i gain all my weight back (OH MY GOD)!!! and by this time, it's time to worry about what i will have for lunch, which is a ridiculous thing to worry about, because no matter what, i will have food to eat. the cycle continues throughout the work day, despite how busy or un-busy the day is (because the little obnoxious voice of worry is always in the back of your mind), and when 4:30 comes along, i drive home, and i should be relaxed. but wouldnt you know it? before i can let myself relax, ive created an entire NEW list of crap to worry about, and before today is even over, ive begun worrying about tomorrow.
now here's the odd part... i am not always this way. i go for rather extensive periods of time worrying about virtually nothing (or, at the very least, completely ignoring it). i may not have the answers to any of life's pressing questions, and i am ok with that. it isn't quite apathy. i prefer to call it freedom, and actually, i find as i get older, i feel this way more often than not... so why is it then, that worry can strike without warning with seemingly no rhyme or reason? because certainly worry is all for naught. trying to solve the world's problems by worrying is no more effective than trying to solve an algebra problem by chewing bubble gum.
so i will end with these thoughts, not my own, but oh so relevant nonetheless (and much more eloquent than any of my rambling above...)
"Worry is pointless. Do not worry about the things you cannot change. YOU CANNOT CHANGE THEM. Do not worry about the things you can change. CHANGE THEM."
"Worry does not strip tomorrow of its trouble. It strips today of its joy."
"Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Today has enough troubles of its own."
<3
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)